Gaming for Girlfriends

E is my girlfriend and she is a non-gamer. That term has had a lot of definitions during our relationship - in the beginning, it meant she didn't have any tolerance for games whatsoever, of any form. Now it means she sort of accepts gaming as a legitimate pastime, and is willing to dabble a little bit in the different types of gaming available. These days, she will happily play poker with me at the pub, and at home whenever we have other players around for drinks. Without casting any aspersions, I'd still like to highlight the heavily social aspect of the game - she makes friends through poker, and gets a real kick when she wins money.

On the 360 she quite enjoyed creating characters on Soul Calibur 4, naming them after pornstars and charging through the single player campaign by mashing the throw command. It's by far the game I have seen her log the most time with and I'd say at least 80% of that time was spent on the customisation features. This doesn't surprise me, it seems to be a commonplace assessment of girls who play games, as recently mentioned by Tycho over at Penny Arcade. It has certainly been reinforced by the increased attention the NXE dashboard gets now that customisable avatars have been included.

I know it's kind of a stereotypical attitude, but I think it's fair to say that this type of approach to gaming is almost entirely exclusive to the fairer sex. E enjoys her video games most when there is no pressure, or at least very little of it. She doesn't respond well to heavy challenges in her games and is more than prepared to give up when they present themselves.

Tonight, she sat down in front of Banjo-Kazooie: Nuts & Bolts, prepared to relive some of the magic she experienced ten years ago on her older brothers' Nintendo 64. She was unfamiliar with the driving mechanic and crashed into walls a lot. Very soon after beginning the game, she said "I remember why I don't like games now. It's because I'm not very good at them." My response to this would be that it's not a matter of lack of skill, but lack of patience and persistence. For most gamers the teething process for a new game is much shorter, but we all struggle with a new mechanic when presented with it. This is no different for us than it is for inexperienced girls.

A quick Google search on this subject unearthed this little gem - a study on the gaming habits of girls, circa 2005. It's a little out-of-date, because the general gaming lifestyle landscape has changed drastically over the last three years (Wii, increased acceptance of casual gaming, World of Warcraft etc.), but it backs up some good points. Girls respond very well to a game like The Sims because it totally circumvents many traditional game conventions (violence, challenge and competition) and places the highlight on the elements of gaming that appeal most to the ladies. Without repeating their definitions, I'll outline them here - character customisation, realistic but colourful art design, and control over the narrative. They also mention player relationships but I'm going to lump that into the narrative heading.

For the gaming public at large we're used to having these element isolated for us, but they're usually tied into one or more of the traditional aspects - creativity is based around optimising our approach to challenge, narrative control is pre-set based around how we complete those challenges and how well we did it etc. E tells me now that she enjoys customisation because it allows her to alter her own appearance vicariously through the characters. My guess is that the very same attitude extends to the actions and challenges performed by her as she plays a game. SC4 works because she makes hot, badass chicks who assert their authority over other characters quite easily because she spams the throw command and the computer can't handle it. I doubt the same theory would apply to characters created, no matter how simply or intuitively, in a game like Quake or Gears of War, because she doesn't have the dexterity or tactical mind to overcome the challenges presented. Nor does she have any control over the narrative - she wants to tell the story, not have it told to her.

A recent article in Hyper Magazine called Driving the Wedge: The Real Story of Female Gamers contains a quote from Nikki Douglas of Grrlgamer where she says "Community and collaboration are what women bring to the table? God, that is so 1950s, so retro. Well screw that, I don't want to be friends! I want to be King!"

Well, that is totally valid and okay, Nikki, but I feel you're in the minority, and that doesn't help me or my girlfriend at all. What you're saying there is that you fit square inside the demographic that is unconcerned with the "girl gamer". You're happy to play traditional games because you relish the challenge. E does not. What I would like to see are more games that straddle the line, where creativity and narrative control are paramount, but my girlfriend still gets the feeling of being 'fucking awesome' without having any of the pressure and stress that the rest of us so willingly face.